Photo: A wild morning glory wraps around a towering Dahlia flower yet to bloom.

I had every intention to write a blog post here this summer, but I set my creativity toward mothering and “real” writing. I wrote 2 complete short stories and 2 incomplete ones this summer. That isn’t a lot and yet is a lot for this slow writer–I draft by hand. I saw a submission call for an anthology I want to submit to, so I have one last short story to write in these next few weeks before I take a little break.

Because I decided that I’m done chasing submission calls. I’ll get to that in a little bit.

I had every intention to write a blog post here this summer, but the truth of the matter is that I kinda hate writing about myself, “marketing,” and otherwise seeking attention. When I was a political person, this drove my manager crazy. They wanted more photos taken, more selfies, more posts on social media, more taking credit for accomplishments and proximity and that all made me… hate everything. I hated everything. I hate everything that has to do with that part of the internet.

It’s a necessary part of the job, they told me. I knew they were right. But it made me hate myself because that’s not why I got into politics. I was right, too.

Marketing is not why I write.

When I blog, I feel like I’m marketing. So… I don’t want to do it.

This website is, ultimately, a “vehicle” for marketing: you read my work, you go looking for me on the internet, and you find me here. I made an Instagram lately for the same purpose. Guess what? I hate it. I’ll use it, but I hate it. I don’t really know how to be on it and be my authentic self. Same thing goes with this Tumblr blog, which I am kinda excited about only because I consider Tumblr to be the beautiful “middle” internet, back when things were still weird and cool and interesting. I feel like I can be weird an interesting and myself on Tumblr… but the thought of posting content there makes me feel… exhausted.

My sister is a bonafide (visual) artist and we spoke for a long time last week about the slow burn of being an artist, of creating beautiful things and sharing those beautiful things with an audience. She reminded me of the slow burn–the time back some 25(+!!!) years ago when people were putting their shit out there, earning their reputations, learning and growing in public, and building their artist life for themselves, not for the algorithm or because of the algorithm. She reminded me of the time and the chops and the care.

I resist the algorithm because I’m of the internet before the algorithm. I predate the old Gods and I spurn the new. This is an unfortunate thing, ultimately.

I’ve decided that if I have to be somewhere, I ought to be here. But I’ve also decided that if I’m going to be here, I’m going to make this space a space I like. I’m going to start my slow burn. Ultimately, I’m going to start pushing up stock, spreading leaves, and unfurling petals. I’m going to be the flower. I cannot be a bee.

So:

Start in September, I’m going to start a thing. I have a story I’ve been meaning to tell for a long time. I’m going to serialize it and put it here. Like the storytellers of another time, including some of my favorites back in the day who would post their webcomics on the regular and we’d all comment on them and it was awesome. I am excited, actually. Perhaps 1 person will read at first. Then 5. Then 10. Maybe 0. But it will be my thing, in this space that’s mine, and it will do good things for me, and my art, and people who enjoy the kind of art that I make. That’s what matters to me.

I want to be clear: it takes a hell of a lot of energy to be a flower. So much sugar, so much water, so much light, so much vulnerability. A flower is fundamentally a delicate thing. It’s a masterpiece: a symphony of color, smell, texture, and openness. Every flower has a daring spirit–that “hey, look at me” bravado is the difference between being seen or not! And that rubs against the introverted creator’s dilemma: to be unseen is to be comfortable (the introvert), yet to be unseen is to be ignored (the introvert in the active marketplace…failing). If I must be in the marketplace (and, yes, I suppose I must), then I must be seen. I can chase other flowers (write to submission calls, which is what I’ve been doing for a year) or I can attract my audience and opportunities by showcasing my talents on my terms. Both hold risks. Both require a lot of energy. For 12 months, I chose one way. Rather than earn a Darwin award, I choose to evolve. I root. I evolve. I will flower. I look forward to seeing what comes to me.

I will confess that my bee-like efforts did yield one good bit of good news. I’m not allowed to share yet, but will very soon. 🙂 In the meantime, I am teaching a class on the Dark Night of the Soul in September, and I’d love to see you there! (ewwwww, marketing! gross! I’m sorry!) I should also probably mention that I run a nonprofit for writers and we’ve got a BUNCH of classes and a full-on retreat happening this October. It’d love to see you there, too. Please consider joining one of our future classes!

I’m going to dare to make Tuesday my “publication” day. See you Tuesday, September 3rd for “episode 1” of my new serial! (This is a scary thing to do. Because, like, what if I don’t deliver!? Now I have to!!)

And expect to see me here more often. This is good soil. I’ll update on my growth more often.